I'm back from Belize! (Now a happy graduate of Discipleship Training School.). My trip was long and complicated, but also truely amazing, and I am incredibly blessed. I wanted to write a quick update and give the highlights from my trip(s):
Belize (school, 3 months):
I re-learned the goodness and kindess of God - which allowed me to break free from a lot of self-condemnation and blame.
1.) God is NOT an angry smiter. He is not out to get me, and he's not disappointed in me.
2.) NOTHING I do can make God love me LESS....or more.
3.) God loves me, just because he loves me, just because he loves me, just because he loves me...
4.) Because that is who God is, God is love - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails." God is patient, God is kind....God never fails.
England (1 month, helping with Olympics):
We spent most of our time running around helping different churches run cafes (were people from the community could watch the olympics and hangout, etc.) and sports camp for kids.
1.) I immensely enjoyed painting the faces of 6 beautiful little columbian girls, and becoming their hero for the day - having them follow me every place screaming "Anna! Anna! Anna" and wanting me to play with them all the time. :)
2.) Sharing the gospel with a little boy from Africa who had never even heard of Jesus before!
3.) Meeting a woman from Romania in Starbucks, and getting to share my entire testimony with her; then hearing hers, and having an amazing heart to heart conversation. We both left incredibly encouraged.
4.) Going to Hyde Park and meeting a man from Zimbabwe. Got into an intense conversation about human suffering and the goodness of God. Ended up sobbing, and telling the man through tears that God really does care about him, about his people, about Africa, about anyone suffering...that God hears their prayers, and he does care, and that God really does LOVE him, and he really does LOVE each person SO much....
Portugal (1 month, partnered with George and Arcadia - portugese missionaries):
Spent 1 week at a youth camp helping lead games and preach/lead worship. Then 3 weeks performing skits and doing open air evangelism.
1.) Teaching on "Trusting God during the Hard Times..." and sharing my own story at the Youth Camp.
2.) Meeting two women from the Netherlands who were seeking out God; but were confused and discouraged, and I was able to sit and talk with them, and help point them towards Jesus...
3.) Getting to know the kids we worked with at the camp, and their families. Portugese/Brazilian Portugese people are the sweetest, most hospitable people in the entire world!
4.) The Beaches were indescribably beautiful...(the flowers too!)
5.) Debreif - we got to stay in a wonderful country cottage - and just relax as a team. It was pefect, and a wonderful break before heading home...
6.) Met a woman from Estonia who desires to be a midwife (like I hope to do!) Diffenently a kindred spirit and hope we will be friends for a long time.
Summary: God is good. Life isn't always perfect, but there is always reason to HOPE, and to trust God. He really does love and care about me. And you. :) He hears our prayers...
Life is hard. But God is good!
THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who supported me on this Journey!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Up, Up, and Flyin Away!
Hello Everyone,
By now I'm sure you've heard - I'm leaving for Belize!
Why, you may ask? To do a Discipleship training school with Youth With a Mission = YWAM DTS. What's that? It's like a 5 month bible school, designed to train and equip Christian leaders to take the love of Christ to the World. It has three phases. First the lecture phase, 12 weeks of school and training in Belize, and second, the Outreach phase - two month mission trip (could be anywhere in the world). The third phase is an internship, which is determined by the student's passions, interests, and skills. It also could be anywhere in the world.
After all that, there are secondary schools. My hope is to attend a Birthing Assistant School in Australia; in which, I'd actually become a practicing and professional midwife. I am honestly just so excited about all the possibilities! There are so many doors this first phase, the DTS, opens up.
But really, I am mostly excited about getting to know God more. It's been a rough year, and my faith has been very tested. I'm excited to go and get some rest and respite with Jesus; and then hopefully, launched into missions fulltime! That is my dream, but the desire of my heart is to Love God with my whole heart.
So that is why, Ann Hefflinger is leaving for Belize tomorrow. To go to School, to chase her dreams, to answer her calling, and to follow God.
I'm learning as always, to "Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding...in all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will guide you." Proverb 3:5-6.
Well, here's to the shortest and probably least informative update ever - but it's late, and I'm tired, and I have a BIG day ahead of me tomorrow! I love you all. Thank you so much for your love, support and prayers.
I will try to update as much as possible...but don't expect too much. I'll be enjoying those palm trees! ;)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Trust.
I have to admit, trusting God all the time - is REALLY hard. I didn't feel like it today, and I certainly didn't want to last night. I wanted to mope in despair, and yell and scream, and be angry at the injustice of life. (I think having a hurt knee and having to give up all my precious and adored outdoor recreation - began it's toll on me.) Laugh if you will (please do), but I MISS exercising. I miss the way it makes me feel happy, healthy, alive...I miss the times Mom and I would go for jogs together...I miss feeling like I accomplished something.
I hate being stuck indoors in a messy house, that no matter how many times I clean - it is trashed again the next day. I hate that I have so many books to read, it stresses me out thinking I will never get to spend adequate time to really study all of them. I hate that when I desperately want to spend time with God, our time feels forced and rushed. I hate when I pray, and nothing seems to happen. I hate when I have a bad attitude, and I make life miserable for other people too.
- Now hate is an extremely strong word...so let's just say, I don't actually hate those things...they just get me discouraged, and they are what I focus on when I am not focusing on God.
I am so human, and SO imperfect. I like to try really hard to be perfect....but I fail epic-ly every time. That is why today, I was reminded again that I am human. I am not perfect. I can do nothing good on my own, because there is nothing good in me. Only God is good. Only God is perfect. and only God can truly love those around me the way they need to be loved.
So today, I choose to trust God. I choose to remember that he is good, all the time, and he is kindness, and he is love. I choose to focus on Him, and the love he has for me, and for you, and for everybody all the time. I'm not walking this road a lone, I can't even pretend to... I am not alone. He walks right beside me, Emmanuel - God is with us. "....be sure of this; I am with you wherever you go." Work. Church. The bathroom. (Hahaha, ok had to throw that in... because it sometimes perplexes me). School. Your car. Your heart. Your thoughts. Your emotions.
Nothing is to big of a problem for God. Trust me, you may be a mess (hey, me too!) but God is in control. He really is. He is someone you can trust. He has your best interests in mind. Surrender....trust the Lord. He loves you. You are not alone. He is right beside you.
I hate being stuck indoors in a messy house, that no matter how many times I clean - it is trashed again the next day. I hate that I have so many books to read, it stresses me out thinking I will never get to spend adequate time to really study all of them. I hate that when I desperately want to spend time with God, our time feels forced and rushed. I hate when I pray, and nothing seems to happen. I hate when I have a bad attitude, and I make life miserable for other people too.
- Now hate is an extremely strong word...so let's just say, I don't actually hate those things...they just get me discouraged, and they are what I focus on when I am not focusing on God.
I am so human, and SO imperfect. I like to try really hard to be perfect....but I fail epic-ly every time. That is why today, I was reminded again that I am human. I am not perfect. I can do nothing good on my own, because there is nothing good in me. Only God is good. Only God is perfect. and only God can truly love those around me the way they need to be loved.
So today, I choose to trust God. I choose to remember that he is good, all the time, and he is kindness, and he is love. I choose to focus on Him, and the love he has for me, and for you, and for everybody all the time. I'm not walking this road a lone, I can't even pretend to... I am not alone. He walks right beside me, Emmanuel - God is with us. "....be sure of this; I am with you wherever you go." Work. Church. The bathroom. (Hahaha, ok had to throw that in... because it sometimes perplexes me). School. Your car. Your heart. Your thoughts. Your emotions.
Nothing is to big of a problem for God. Trust me, you may be a mess (hey, me too!) but God is in control. He really is. He is someone you can trust. He has your best interests in mind. Surrender....trust the Lord. He loves you. You are not alone. He is right beside you.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Destiny
Destiny.
Future. Hopes, dreams. Crushed hope, shattered dreams. despair. Dark night of the soul. Light at the end of the tunnel....
This pretty much sums up my past year. I graduated from high school with such huge, grand plans for my life - and a rock solid trust in God. But when reality slammed me in the face, I began to doubt God's plan and tried to secure my future by going to college. It didn't work, and only made me more miserable. It ruined my summer as well, and after a tormenting period of psychological and emotional hell, I still decided I could not return to school.
The pain was unbearable. I disappointed myself, and I disappointed others. I waited to the last second to bail, and that only made it worse. I hated myself, and was pretty sure God was angry at me too.
Days after deciding not to go back to school, I heard of an internship with a great organization that worked in Africa, so following my heart, I jumped right in. It seemed perfect. I knew I needed to be brought closer to God, and my heart has always longed to care for the "least of these." This seemed like the perfect way to allow God to work on my heart right where I was at in America, and also provided a hope that in the future, maybe I could still go to Africa and fulfill my dream of caring for orphans and the poor.
Maybe it happened in transition from School to Montana, or Montana to Home, or Home to Burien...I don't know, but somewhere in the midst of all my transitions, I began to doubt God, who had in my own words seemed to "peace out." In my most desperate need of him, he was no where to be found.
His "absence" lead to more doubts and more questions...and the more I questioned and doubted God, the more hopeless and depressed I became. More psychological hell; I have a problem of thinking too much, and comparing my lives to others...and in the midst of many more transitions, I finally hit rock bottom.
It was there I realized several things, but the most important being: that the more I separated myself from God, the worse I, and everything else became. I found life without God is awful. It is miserable, it is dark, it is aimless. It is pitiful and selfish. It is lonely, and never filled. It is restless and tormented. It is rude an mean. It is envious and greedy. It is broken! Even trying to be good didn't cut it. I was still empty, hollow, and miserable. There was a giant, gaping, hole in my heart - and I couldn't fill it. Every attempts to "save" my life only brought more failure and shame, more hopelessness and more confusion.
- I realized I needed Jesus. I decided right then and there, to stop doubting, to stop questioning, and to fully trust God - no matter what happens. I wish it didn't sound so cheesy - but my life has literally been transformed since then. I am filled with an indescribable peace, and I am filled with HOPE.
Why? "Because the Lord who created me loves me. Because he created me for a purpose, and he wants me to fulfill that purpose. Because the God who knows every hair on my head desires to lift me out of this dust and into his glory."
Oh, how I hope you can see - He is madly in love with you, too.
He created you for a purpose, and wants you to fulfill that purpose. He wants bring you up out of the dust...and into his Glory - smothering you love, covering you in blessings. He delights in you, and sings over you!
Future. Hopes, dreams. Crushed hope, shattered dreams. despair. Dark night of the soul. Light at the end of the tunnel....
This pretty much sums up my past year. I graduated from high school with such huge, grand plans for my life - and a rock solid trust in God. But when reality slammed me in the face, I began to doubt God's plan and tried to secure my future by going to college. It didn't work, and only made me more miserable. It ruined my summer as well, and after a tormenting period of psychological and emotional hell, I still decided I could not return to school.
The pain was unbearable. I disappointed myself, and I disappointed others. I waited to the last second to bail, and that only made it worse. I hated myself, and was pretty sure God was angry at me too.
Days after deciding not to go back to school, I heard of an internship with a great organization that worked in Africa, so following my heart, I jumped right in. It seemed perfect. I knew I needed to be brought closer to God, and my heart has always longed to care for the "least of these." This seemed like the perfect way to allow God to work on my heart right where I was at in America, and also provided a hope that in the future, maybe I could still go to Africa and fulfill my dream of caring for orphans and the poor.
Maybe it happened in transition from School to Montana, or Montana to Home, or Home to Burien...I don't know, but somewhere in the midst of all my transitions, I began to doubt God, who had in my own words seemed to "peace out." In my most desperate need of him, he was no where to be found.
His "absence" lead to more doubts and more questions...and the more I questioned and doubted God, the more hopeless and depressed I became. More psychological hell; I have a problem of thinking too much, and comparing my lives to others...and in the midst of many more transitions, I finally hit rock bottom.
It was there I realized several things, but the most important being: that the more I separated myself from God, the worse I, and everything else became. I found life without God is awful. It is miserable, it is dark, it is aimless. It is pitiful and selfish. It is lonely, and never filled. It is restless and tormented. It is rude an mean. It is envious and greedy. It is broken! Even trying to be good didn't cut it. I was still empty, hollow, and miserable. There was a giant, gaping, hole in my heart - and I couldn't fill it. Every attempts to "save" my life only brought more failure and shame, more hopelessness and more confusion.
- I realized I needed Jesus. I decided right then and there, to stop doubting, to stop questioning, and to fully trust God - no matter what happens. I wish it didn't sound so cheesy - but my life has literally been transformed since then. I am filled with an indescribable peace, and I am filled with HOPE.
Why? "Because the Lord who created me loves me. Because he created me for a purpose, and he wants me to fulfill that purpose. Because the God who knows every hair on my head desires to lift me out of this dust and into his glory."
Oh, how I hope you can see - He is madly in love with you, too.
He created you for a purpose, and wants you to fulfill that purpose. He wants bring you up out of the dust...and into his Glory - smothering you love, covering you in blessings. He delights in you, and sings over you!
The List
15.) I am again
so grateful for the magical snow! Also an amazing sermon at LBPC, health-nut
friends, a lovely run, and some delicious steamed broccolli and carrots! I am
grateful for a warm house to sit and watch snow fall...and I'm grateful for a
good phone conversation with a good friend! :)
16.) I am
grateful for a God who loves us, and who is here with us!
17.) I am
thankful for Desert Sun Tanning and Desa'ree McDaniels!
18.) I am
grateful for snow boats that keep my feet dry and warm!
20.) The possibilities of a new Job
21.) Real Macchaitos, storms, and awesome country music
22.) Peaks Frozen Custard and Mckenzie Walker!
23.) The old lady who paid for me to send my friend a package,
because I didn’t have enough money
24.) A father who will drop everything and come when I need
him
25.) Extremely
proficient academic advisors
26.) Friends and Family who surround and support us in hard
times
27.) Beautiful hikes and peaceful surroundings
28.) Thankful for being able to quit a job right away,
and not have to wait two weeks to leave
29.) The amazing hospitality, and the spunkyness of
Linda and Gordon Shaw - my temporary guardian angels while I lived with them in
Burien
30.) Long walks with my Dad
31.) I'm thankful Oswald Chamber quotes and notes
which convict and hurt me, but in the end draw me closer to God (and I’m
thankful to be back on beautiful Whidbey Island!)
Feb 1 - 32.) I’m thankful for an amazing day hiking
around deception pass with Danae Gallahar, and lovely visit with Mckenzie, and
late night runs and good conversation with Megan Hall!
33.) I’m thankful for red nail polish
34.) I’m thankful for thrift stores
35.) I’m thankful for water proof Band-Aids
36.) I am so overwhelmed with gratefulness that
God is a God who Sees, and that God is a God who cares.
37.) I am thankful that no matter how many times I don't listen or wait for God's direction, and go my own way...that when I arrive back at God's feet - he still has an amazing plan for my life!
37.) I am thankful that no matter how many times I don't listen or wait for God's direction, and go my own way...that when I arrive back at God's feet - he still has an amazing plan for my life!
38.) I’m thankful for snuggies!
39.) I am thankful for Pilates on youtube, and “Kisses
from Katie” a book. and right now, as I write this blog...I am thankful for God bringing me home.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Continueing Thankfulness.
13. I am thankful for Vashon Island and fantastic friends to explore it with!
15.) I am again so grateful for the magical snow! Also an amazing sermon at LBPC, health-nut friends, a lovely run, and some delicious steamed broccolli and carrots! I am grateful for a warm house to sit and watch snow fall...and I'm grateful for a good phone conversation with a good friend! :)
16.) I am grateful for a God who loves us, and who is here with us!
- I have found that the hardest part of this all, is finding ONE thing a day to be grateful for. There is so much everyday, that I am so thankful for!! It's hard not to list them all and sound super cheesy. Thus, I'm trying to keep them short, but it's hard. (Really though, that's something to be thankful for...:))
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Thankfulness
How are everyone's New Year's resolutions going? I hope they are going well! (The average resolution lasts 3 days...so if you're still going, I am proud of you!) I also made some resolutions. The first one I made on Dec 31st, and it was a determined committment to
1.) TRUST God...(no matter what happens, or how i feel) and with trusting comes obedience; which is hard, and sometimes scary! My second resolution is to 2.) Be consistent in spending time with God, and in reading his word. My third resolution has come by means of realizing it is wayy too easy to focus on the negitives in my life, and not on the positives...thus my third resolution is to 3.) Write down, every single day for a year, something I am thankful for.
Since I'm starting late...I'll kinda have to BS my way through the first 11...but here it goes.
1.) I am so thankful for my family! It was so good to be with them, and celebrate the holidays with them for a few days....
2.) I am so thankful for my friends! (Got to go on a wonderful breakfast date with four of my closest, and dearest friends from childhood!)
3.) I am so grateful for the beautiful, beautiful sunrises in the morning - that eluminate the mountains in all their glory!
4.) I am thankful for music...which helps to draw me into the presence of God (or pump me up for a run!)
5.) I am thankful for Remix! And the lovely children who come...I am grateful for the chance to be a part of their lives...
6.) I am grateful for Orphan Relief and Rescue, and the encouragment and challenge they have been for me - and to others!
7.) I am so grateful I realized I don't have to figure out my life...or worry about it constantly. Everything is going to be OK.
8.) I'm grateful that I had the chance to work at Dairy Queen for a bit...but not much longer than that.
9.) I am grateful for stars, because they are a constant reminder of how much bigger God is than me...
10.) I'm thankful for big, full moons, that make me pause for a moment and stand in awe
11.) I am thankful for times of rest
12.) I am so thankful I work at Smoothie shop where I can make myself delicious smoothies! (Today I had one that tasted like Rasp. lemonade! It was super delicious.)
....more to come. But also, in general, I am grateful to God who makes all these good things happen! "Every good and perfect gift comes from God our Father" - James 1:17
1.) TRUST God...(no matter what happens, or how i feel) and with trusting comes obedience; which is hard, and sometimes scary! My second resolution is to 2.) Be consistent in spending time with God, and in reading his word. My third resolution has come by means of realizing it is wayy too easy to focus on the negitives in my life, and not on the positives...thus my third resolution is to 3.) Write down, every single day for a year, something I am thankful for.
Since I'm starting late...I'll kinda have to BS my way through the first 11...but here it goes.
1.) I am so thankful for my family! It was so good to be with them, and celebrate the holidays with them for a few days....
2.) I am so thankful for my friends! (Got to go on a wonderful breakfast date with four of my closest, and dearest friends from childhood!)
3.) I am so grateful for the beautiful, beautiful sunrises in the morning - that eluminate the mountains in all their glory!
4.) I am thankful for music...which helps to draw me into the presence of God (or pump me up for a run!)
5.) I am thankful for Remix! And the lovely children who come...I am grateful for the chance to be a part of their lives...
6.) I am grateful for Orphan Relief and Rescue, and the encouragment and challenge they have been for me - and to others!
7.) I am so grateful I realized I don't have to figure out my life...or worry about it constantly. Everything is going to be OK.
8.) I'm grateful that I had the chance to work at Dairy Queen for a bit...but not much longer than that.
9.) I am grateful for stars, because they are a constant reminder of how much bigger God is than me...
10.) I'm thankful for big, full moons, that make me pause for a moment and stand in awe
11.) I am thankful for times of rest
12.) I am so thankful I work at Smoothie shop where I can make myself delicious smoothies! (Today I had one that tasted like Rasp. lemonade! It was super delicious.)
....more to come. But also, in general, I am grateful to God who makes all these good things happen! "Every good and perfect gift comes from God our Father" - James 1:17
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Blue Like Jazz
Today was a great day. I went for a run in the woods...got hopelessly lost, and fell on my face in cold creek, but it was very enjoyable adventure non the less. After that, I walked to the Orphan Relief and Rescue office, (I am making an effort to spend much more time there now - so I go everyday before work). and I helped Rebecca bundled up some beautiful handmade cards from Liberia. Then I spent some time reading. I flew right into chapter 8 on a book called "Blue Like Jazz." Being very skeptical of the title, I was more than a little suprised to find the book incredibly intriguing. It was a lot like the book "Heaven Without Her", except instead of the story going from athiest-christian, the story goes "christian" -lost- christian. It was so gripping to me, because it was a lot like reading my own story... it addressed many of the questions and problems I struggle with, as well problems everyone in the whole world experiences. His writing is raw, real, and funny. Already I have been challenged and convicted by this book. It's almost like a modern day CS Lewis book, but understandable and humorous.
I hope I'm not getting too far ahead of myself...I still have to finish the book... but if you need a good book to read, I strongly suggest this one!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Breaking Silence
Hello Everyone,
I hope your new year is off to a great start! For me, things have begun anew. 2 Cor 5:17 "He makes all things new." That's a promise I'm hanging onto these days...
I haven't written in a few weeks because for a week weeks I haven't been doing well. (It's hard to share when I am so deeply troubled and confused. I want to share, and to be honest, but I don't want to bring anyone down with me, either). It's also intimidating because I learned that some of you are actually reading my blog! But here it goes, for the sake of you knowing what's going on in my life.
The internship was put on hold for the holidays. Thus, I spent two days the weekend before Christmas, with friends and family, and we went to see the Christmas lights in Leavenworth. It was beautiful and amazing, and good to see my friends and family. (Maybe a little difficult because I didn't really get to spend quality time with any of them). I went back to the daily grind for a few weeks, and then FINALLY got to go home Christmas Eve. Had a quite Christmas, but got to see all my lovely family - even Jake and Joanna (!! :))
"The daily grind" had taken quit a toll on me...and I hadn't even noticed it. For days after being home, I was irritable and restless. And angry; something I haven't been for a long sometime. But I just couldn't find peace. (Not even in walking up and down the beach a million times). I didn't realize that all the time I had spent alone here in Burien, had caused me to become a selfish, calloused person. Left alone too long during the day...just to ponder my sins and doubt a loving God who created me for a GOOD purpose. To give me HOPE and a FUTURE.
For the past couple weeks, I have been pushing God away, and alienating myself from anyone or anything pertaining to the Christian faith. Thankfully, being home completly changed that. It began with an epic adventure to a Buddist Monastary. Ironic, right? It was there, on a very peaceful lake at the monastary, that my little brother and I had a very deep and raw discussion about life. In a way, I think we both "cracked" and "spilled the beans" about where we honestly, and truely are in our "walk with Christ" - our relationship with God. I have to admit...mine hasn't been much of a relationship lately. Because of my most resent messups, I've been afraid to approach God. Fearful that he was done with me, and would just cast me out of his presence. Because I believed that I don't deserve forgivness, I didn't ask for it. I just backed away from God....further, further...and a little further. It's gets easier to break the heart of God when you convince yourself he doesn't care, and doesn't love you.
Problem is, I know God loves me. That was evident in the face of dear little brother, who though frustrated and hurt by me, was also deeply concerned for me. Anyways, we talked, and immediately I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my heart. It was good to let some things go.
A few days later, I went out for coffee with my Mom. But at this point, I had slightly crawled back into my shell, and my heart was hard towards her, and towards God. But thankfully, that was broken by a random act of kindness by my mother. After coffee, we went to search for a new furniture peace for the house. But my gaze was drawn to a lovely $10 dress - next to a few other lovely dresses. I mentioned them to my Mom expecting to be shut down immediatly, but to my surprise was encouraged to try them on! So try them on I did, and prance around the tiny antique store showing them off to my Mother, and the lady working there. Though we expected to get the black dress, we were surprised to find a more simple, but elegant gray dress fit PERFECTLY. It looked so lovely, and fit so perfectly that I didn't even take it off. I fell in love with it right then, and there, and wore it the rest of the day. When my Mom smiled and offered to buy it for me, the hardness in my heart shattered, and I became a completly new person. Never have I loved her more, and been so overwhelmed with gratefulness and joy. (Funny how something seemingly insignificant, can mean so much to a person). A blessing from my Mom yes, but it was a blessing from God as well.
I spent the rest of that day sky high - trying to go everywhere and see everyone to show off my beautiful new dress that made me feel like a million dollars. I made it to a construction rental store and the grocery store, but hey, better than nothing right? (haha).
After that, and a short visit with an encouraging neighbor, I spent the rest of the day running on trails and hiking the bluff at the beach. The next day, guess that would be Sat. I cleaned the house and then sprinted to Jon and Kelley's house to say hi, and try to plan something for a New Year's Eve Celebration. (One that would keep me from going to a party and doing something I would regret later...) Later that day, two of my friends kidnapped me. We had an awkward and painful conversation, that at the time really irritated me, (If I wanted to ruin my life, let me!) but in the end, their deep concern for wore me down and broke my heart. I couldn't really bear to break their hearts...but I also coudln't promise that I wouldn't go - so I guess I put them through hell too...just worrying about me. As it turns out, my connection to the party bailed, and thus I couldn't go. Though I was pissed, and I was also relieved.
All I wanted to do, was dress up sexy and go out, and celebrate the new year! Praise God for David who was determined to make that happen! Here's how my night ended up: epic and perfect. David and I got dressed up sexy and cute, and went out to a nice restraunt with an awesome view. We ate and drank lavishly, and had a wonderful time, and our waiter was hilarious! After 3 or 4 cups of coffee, I was pretty pumped up and being myself. So we raced to the store, bought Mom some nice tea, then stopped in at a party (just for a second) so I could say Hi to a couple of girlfriends also home for the holidays. It was so good to see them! But, then we raced to the ferry and sped over to Trakks to meet some more friends for racing Gokarts! I, being in a dress, had to wear my friend's clothes, and thus look like a dude, but it was well worth it to feel the adrenaline of the racing; and the freezing wind in my face, and the painful tension in my arms from gripping the wheel too tightly...I held my own for a bit, but then lost quite drastically. Dagnabit. It was awesome though! Turns out, my love for drifting around corners, and feeling totally BA while doing so...slows me down a lot. So to get in the game for racing, I have to actually touch the brakes. Bummer. But hey, watch out, I'm gonna learn, and then I will keep your butt!!
After that epicness, we raced for the ferry boat again, and made it home around 11:45. Just in time to collect Mom and head to the beach for some fireworks! We launched a few, joined in the screaming and blessing of the new year. 2011 went out with a bang,(literally) and 2012 was welcomed in with joyful expectations! (HOPE)! (I wrote later in my journal "Apparently this is our last year ever; lets make it count!!" and that's exactly what I want to do this year.)
So far it has started off well - went to Church on Sunday. My first time in a long time being back in a traditional church with the word of God really preached from the pulpit. My heart, by the loving care of friends and family (and thus God who I believe and know was behind it all...)had been completly transformed. I was so full of joy and peace, and I was ready to run back into the arms of God. Happy that He was still waiting for me; not condemning me, not hating me me, not angry at me, not remembering my sin. I am FREE! I asked for forgivness, I've gotten it. Time to move on, and move forward knowing I am loved, and I am being made new everyday. Everyday is a clean start.
Fresh outa church and renewed, I went out for coffee to get my triple shot latte I was craving. Pumped up on that, and I went home and packed everything I owned in about 30 seconds and jumped in the car with the boys to head up to the Mountains! We got there around 3, and had a blast sledding! After a few stops...I was dumped out in Burien. Not ready for the party to end, and I got together with my second family here (The Pratts) and we went and saw a great movie called "In Time". It was so great to see them, and I am so excited for what this new year is going to hold. Be it healing and restoration, or more tragedy and heart break...I am choosing to trust the Lord.
Okay, I'm out. I have things to do, and places to be! (Work).
(Please do continue to pray for me though. This is an extremely hard time during my life, and I am easily confused and discouraged.I love you all so much, and I appreciate your love and concern immensely! You have been Jesus to me this week, and it made ALL the difference. Thank you)
God Bless you all, and I hope you all have an amazing new year!! Make it count!
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