Dairy Queen.

Weds was truely an inspired day! Not only did I have that fantastic time with God, I also went out for coffee with some friends, biked to work in the freezing, pouring rain, had a great bible study with Elena and Debbie at the office, and helped out at Remix. I have missed those kids! This time I was with the younger kids - which means more kids, and more bouncing around, trying to keep each kid doing their work and not distracting the others around them. It's difficult, to say the least, but tons of fun. I even managed to sneak in a sketch of an elephant, which the kids loved. :) Then I helped in the kitchen to prepare for the big Thanksgiving dinner we were serving. Finally I sat down at a table with Mr. Hall, Sophie, and four adorable boys. We ate ourselves silly, chatted and had a good time. When we got home, Sophie and Emma and I made cards from magazine scraps. It was fun being so creative! Thursday was an especially inspired day: I baked myself into oblivion! Seriously; I made mulitple dozens of cookies for church (filled up a big red pail full of cookies), brownies for a friend at school, and took on the making of a rolled pumpkin cake. Amazingly, everything turned out okay! Then I took nap. At 6, I went to work at Dairy Queen. Up until yesterday, I have just been in the kitchen making burgers, but yesterday, I moved up in the world - and also got to make a few blizzards! The blizzard machine was trickier than I thought, and I made some funny looking blizzards, but it got better as time went on. Around closing time we got a big rush, so I was retired to the dish pit. I washed and I scrubbed, and I rised and I sanitised, and then I went home; Greatly enjoying the golden minivan I get to borrow for my tiny commute. It's friday today and I have the day off. I plan to relax and enjoy. Hope you are having a lovely, inspired day today as well.

Lessons from a Pumpkin Roll.

My goodness! It has been an incredible past couple a days! First off, Weds. I woke up with huge ambitions to run, but took one look at the freezing cold rain pouring down, and decided against it; and decided to spend some time with God instead. I read Jonah, a book in the bible I don't normally appreciate because I feel like in the end, the wicked people get away with doing bad things... But God showed me they don't; and reminded me that those people he saved were more than just "wicked people." They were people too. They made mistakes, and maybe a few really bad choices, but who doesn't? God has the amazing ability to see our hearts; and sees us apart from the things we do. *We are more than the choices we make. I am not a bad person, because I do bad things (well maybe if I did them habitually) but in this case, God was showing me that he can still (and does) punish the sin, but redeems the person. Therefore the wicked do not get away with doing bad things - the bad things get punished, but you and I are not - We go free! (Ponder this: it will amaze you.) [God is not a big angry man, trying to punish you for everything slighty off key thing you've ever done...Any condemnation we feel is from ourselves or the devil, not from God. God loves us. He desires the absolute best for us. (Just like we don't allow our dogs to chew off their legs just because they have flees, God sometimes has to put us in a cone - allow us to be uncomfortable for a bit - while he works to get rid of the pesky problem makers that cause us to harm ourselves.) Don't get it? Sin is death. It eats away at us, makes us miserable, and kills us. God is trying to remove sin from our lives to make us happier, healthier people. He wants to give us life, and he wants us to enjoy our lives! To the FULLEST (John 10:10).] I thought of this again today when I made a pumpkin yule log (a major accomplishment for me!). At first the log was just a rolled up cake. Nothing too fancy...but then you cut off each end, and sprinkle powered sugar on top, and the cake is transformed into a beautiful work of art; (the delicious edible kind!). Well the cake may be upset with you for taking off parts of it that it may have been quite fond of, but the end result reveals a much more beautiful cake! The beauty was there all along, it was just hidden. God sees who we are. He sees our "hidden beauty." He knows who he created us to be, and choses to see that instead of who we make ourselves out to be. I have found that the more I press into God, the more I realize he is not mad at me, or out to get me. Quite the opposite actually; he wants to take care of me. I am not a failure in his eyes (nor are you). I am someone worth fighting for (so are you). He also promises to never leave or abandon us. He's going to stick it out till the end; nevering giving up on us. Here's some comfort food for the soul: "For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13. Isaiah 66:13 . "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over...” Joshua 1:5,9 " I will never leave you nor forsake you." "...the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." If you read this, I believe God is trying to get your attention: take heart, he loves you!

Baked Oatmeal.

Hello Dearest Friends and Family! (And whoever else may read this blog). Today I attempted to make baked oatmeal.(I love cooking and baking!) If I had followed the recipe, it would have been amazing! (But, my oatmeal was already made from breakfast yesterday.) I thought I could just pop it in the oven...but it turns out, you have to add things like egg, and milk, and applesauce...and sugar and baking soda. Which I did, and added a little flour too...but it still turned out like, well, hot oatmeal. It was certainly not cake texture, but it tastes fine. I took a picture of it, and that inspired me to share more pictures when I blog. After all, pictures say more than words can. Unfortunately, I haven't taken too many pictures. (Unless you want to see a million of the fall leaves...). I have been having some fun! A couple weeks ago, I got my makeup done with a friend at Nordstroms; never done that before! It was quite fun, and my makeup artist Kelley, was a sweetheart. I then went shopping, and got some great deals on some new outfits! I visited home and saw almost every person I've ever known (it was wonderful :)), and I've been hanging out with the family I live with. Each morning I make the girls breakfast and help them make it to the bus on time. However today, we just barely made it, and ended up running the 1/4 mi to the bus stop. It was a great morning wake up! Sure works better than coffee. I also just got a job at DQ. It's a far cry from the comfortable, lovely job I wanted as a coffee shop Barista, but it's near by, and it will do. At least I have another job! (I say this, but I'm honestly still struggling with being truly grateful.) Yesterday, Sunday, I had a great coffee date with my wonderful friend Elena. We went to church together too, and had some great conversation about where we are at in life; so much transition and change for the both of us. We came to the conclusion that I am at a crisis in faith. Though most people do not know, much of my depression came from a spiritual struggle. A struggle to discover the truth; who is God? Who am I? Is there a God? Why Jesus? Budda? Hinduism? Islam? I even declared myself agnostic for awhile...(even less people knew that.) Most of my questions were summed up in - Is the bible true? How do we know? Does God love me? If I stop following God - will he pursue me, or abandon me? Who is God really? I can't say I've done super extensive research, but I have read a couple christian apologetic books (Lee Strobel, CS Lewis, Philip Yancy), talked to Pastors, and questioned anyone who calls them self a christian. I also looked into other religions. But still, most of my questions remain. Why do people so sincerely believe what they grow up with? Why do they never question? If a relationship with God is really something we can have, why don't more people look into it? Why are we so afraid of there being a God? Why do we take other people's opinions, but never make our own? What makes Jesus so offensive? What if Jesus really is God? One day (recently), when I was super depressed, I decided to wander around the Library. Oddly, nothing stood out to me, not even the things I love. Travel, Languages, Cooking, Art...I wanted to be excited about each one of them, but every time I picked up a book, I became totally uninterested - unfulfilled. On a whim, I decided to check out biographies (why not? I haven't read a whole lot of those.) Expecting to find only big books on really famous people, I was surprised to notice a little book with a cool cover. It had a tan background, with a red Japanese cherry tree gracing the rest of it. (Tan and red is what I was going to decorate my new room!)I pulled it out and read the cover; "Heaven without Her" - "must be about a gilded lover," I thought, scoffing at what I expected to find. Turning it over, I read the back. It was a (real and true) story of an atheist woman with a christian Mom, and how when her Mom dies, her search for the truth about "Who we are, why we are here, and where we are going", leads her to a firm belief in biblical Christianity. I felt like I had been punched in the gut, and stood there for a few moments with my mouth gawking open. While I was slightly excited to find this book, and I was also kind of angry. Of all the books, in this entire Library (it was a HUGE library) I happened to pick up this one? Why? I don't want to listen to a christian tell me how great Christianity is - but wait; she was an atheist...this is someone's story. It's real. While I wasn't so sure God was real, I knew this lady obviously was, and I became very curios to read her story. So I took the book home and read it. (But out of stubbornness, before leaving the library, I read a few chapters in a dictionary of Islam. Glanced at a book of Hinduism, and read some stuff in a science textbook. It was all incredibly interesting, to say the least...). I was very impressed by the content in this little book that had found its way into my life. The lady had done very extensive research; almost 10 years of it, and had very thoroughly examined science's claim for and against God. I was satisfied that her journey to God was not an ignorant, nor emotionally biased conclusion. It was not a psychological result of her circumstances. It was a very logical and intellectual conclusion as the result of facts and deep, objective research. Very satisfied, I was able to lay aside some of the other theological books I had been studying, and relax. Peace somehow seeped into my life, and calmed my restless, broken heart, and slowed my racing mind. I was filled with a cautious hope that maybe, just maybe, what I grew up believing just may be true.

My oh my, it has been too long. Already I have had so much happen! Last week, I volunteered two days with Remix. Both days, I worked with a little boy named Gama...I think he's about 8 or 9. The first day we worked on reading and writing, the second day we attempted math (but I was no help to the poor kid). I also worked a couple days at the Smoothie place, which I enjoy. But mostly this week, I've been working my butt off helping to get the Pratts moved into their new house (a cute little cottage right next to the church). I also managed to sneak in moving myself, and I now live in the basement of a big yellow house. The Halls, a wonderful family from LBPC, have temporarily adopted me. So far, I have loved living with them. They are some of the sweetest people I have ever met, and I can't wait to spend more time with them. I also have a big, warm bed, and big comfy couch that I can sit on and read books while sipping warm coffee... and a beautiful view of all the fall colors out a gigantic window...and a handy dandy fan heater to warm my chilly little toes! I AM SO BLESSED! Last night, was my third Journey meeting. (The Journey, being the internship I'm doing with Orphan Relief and Rescue). We talked about, and examined the Trinity. We also talked about what was before anything was... So God, apart from and before any creation (talk about mind blowing!). We talked about how God is all-sufficient, and social, etc. So my question was, then why did God create us? If he wasn't bored and didn't need entertainment...then why? The answer I got took me a little by surprise and made me laugh. So just like a husband and wife delight in eachother, and an expression of their joy and delight is having children - so we are God's children - we are an expression of God's love, joy and delight. I found it pretty exciting that I'm an expression of God's love and joy! And so are you. That's the great part. We all are, and each and everyone of us is completly unique - God's one-of-a-kind masterpiece. I don't know about you, but that makes me feel pretty special. Hope you are feeling cherished today as well!! (Because you are!)

Remix

Hello All, Remix (the after school program for Kindergardners-6th grade at LBC - Lake Burien Presbyterian Church) went really well. After working at Emerald City Smoothie, I walked from town to the church and arrived right at 4:30. I found Sarah, "the leader" of Remix, and she put me to work instantly. She introduced me to a little hispanic boy named Joel, and I got to help him with his reading homework. I also ended up helping a little girl named Angel (also a beautiful hispanic) with her math. The kid were shy, and I was nervous...but after about 10 minutes, we warmed up to eachother and ended up having a lot of fun. As soon as the kids were done with their homework, and I walked over to the kitchen with girl (whom I forgot her name :S) who also works in the kitchen. A women named Melinda put me to work setting up the tables, and getting condments ready for tacos. Margarita, a woman full of the joy of the Lord, (and who is the head of all things kitchen) pulled me aside to explain why the girl I walk over with, was working in the kitchen. Turns out she has had a really rough past, and though she is too old for the after school program, she desperately needs people to love her, and treat her kindly, and with respect...Thus, they allow her to help out in the kitchen. She works hard, and keeps mostly to herself, but I am excited to get to know her more. I'm hoping she will allow me to be a part of her life, and I hope in some way I can show her that I love her, and that Jesus loves her...and that she is beautiful and valuable. That she IS worthy of love and respect. That she is someone...with hopes and dreams and desires, and that is she cared about. She matters.

It Begins

"The Journey" has officially begun! (The internship I'm doing through Orphan Relief and Rescue). After a commissioning at Lake Burien Presbyterian Church in the morning, whom we're partnering with, we had our first meeting ever, Sunday evening. It was mostly just orientation, and signing of a lot of paper work, but we also had a mini-worship time, and a brief talk. All I remember from the talk was; "Love God, Love others; start with those around you." Hence, that's what we're hoping to do. All of us interns, or "advocates" rather, are required to work part-time and volunteer part-time within the community. For me that is working at Emerald City Smoothie, and helping out with the church's after school program. I'll also be helping out with corporate projects that our group acquires - like yard work for other members in the church. I may also pick up some other volunteer positions, like working in Seattle with Union Gospel Mission...but I want to serve wholeheartedly - so I won't overbook myself just yet! "Remix" is what the after school program is called, and tomorrow is my first day. I'll be helping set up for the dinner, and then joining the families for eating. :) On other days, I'll be helping the kids with their homework, and possibly with crafts or bible classes. I'm very excited for all of it, and very excited to get to know the kids!

CHANGE

Hello Everyone, I know it has been way too long since I last updated my blog, but I thought I would...since I'm off on another adventure! For those of you who don't know... I just moved to Burien, WA (over by the Sea-Tac Airport). It's only a couple hrs away, so come visit. :) Haha, anyways, after graduating high school and college last June, I decided I wanted to do a discipleship school - get to know God better, move to Africa, save orphans... Pretty solid plan, except I didn't have any money. So I ended up working for a few months, and then quitting work to take care of my Grandpa for awhile. After a few months of that, I grew completely restless and starting looking into colleges (anything to get me out of the house). I ended up at Northwest University,which was a nice escape for awhile,but it soon became a prison of it's own. By the time the semester ended, I was a wreck. I had completely lost all since of direction, I was hopeless, and and I was depressed. I knew in my heart, and in my mind, that I had strayed from God's plan for me...and I had compromised for his good, instead of his best. This summer I wrestled with my thoughts and emotions even more - heartbroken, confused...and drained. By the end of this summer, I was completely exhausted - in every meaning of the word. Life became survival, instead of living. I had no peace, no joy, no hope. Just a very, very, broken heart. Praise God, a week before I had to return to school, I learned of an opportunity to do an internship with a "lady who likes to travel around dangerous places in Africa helping orphans." "Wow," I thought, "That couldn't be more perfect for me." I got her number and gave her call. Turns out, I had already talked to her a few months earlier, in hopes of going to Liberia with her organization. About five years ago, she and her husband started an organization called Orphan Relief and Rescue -http://www.orphanreliefandrescue.org/ . They strive to help orphans that no one else will help; and do so in a very personal way - so that each kid they help has a name, a dream, a destiny. They are not just a number, a statistic, or an orphan...They are loved, cared for, and protected, and they are somebody. Anyways, I was surprised it was the same organization, but very pleasantly surprised because I felt like their mission was/is very closely aligned with my own hopes and dreams for helping orphans. We chatted on the phone for a bit, and set up a time to meet in the next few weeks. During this time I also decided NOT to go back to school, and it was the most liberating choice I have ever made. I was free...but what now? I thought I might stay at home for a bit...get a job at a coffee shop, save up some money, be around my family...whatever. It didn't really matter, I barely knew who I was anymore - pretty much just a skeleton of a person anyway. I began to get really comfortable at home, even had some dreams of starting my own small business..but God wasn't done with me yet. In the very deepest part of my heart, I had hidden a wish that I was too afraid to hope for - a hope that I could somehow do this internship I had learned about. I met with Rebecca, the CEO of Orphan Relief and Rescue, and had a sort of interview with her. Then I spoke with her husband, the President of their organization. I told God that if this was his will for me, he would have to reveal it to them - because I was just too confused. To my relief, after what I had thought to be a disastrous phone call with her husband (Tim Pratt), he told me I'd be perfect for the internship. I was still pretty shook up, but I was excited. Then I met with them in person, and met their staff- and I LOVED them. After hearing them explain the internship program even more, I couldn't believe it - I felt like it had been perfectly designed just for me, or me for it - for exactly where I am at this point in my life. It was amazing. But wait, then it gets even better! :) I applied for jobs, and got a job at Emerald City Smoothie! (For those of you who know me, you know I'm obsessed with smoothies and nutrition - so it's perfect for me!) So now I'm here, in Burien about to start this internship. It begins on Oct. 16. Just a few more weeks! I can't believe how good God is to me. It blows me away. When I'm at my absolute lowest point in life, about to give up on God - he shows me how much he loves me, and how much he cares. I guess I just need to remember that just because I'm a mess, in a mess I made - it doesn't put God in a mess. He's still in control, and he knows what he's doing. He has a plan for my life - a good one. I am overwhelmed. He is so good. I just need to put all my trust, and all my faith in him. Believing in him, and taking him at his word. So anyways, that's where I am in life. Just taking it day by day - learning to trust God completely...learning to fall in love with him. Learning about his love for me. It's a scary place to be...but it's the best place to be.

Philippines Dec 9-20, 2010

This year's trip was much different. Stephen came again, David (our little brother), and our friend Zach came. We had a very pleasant one day layover in Hawaii, and spent the day swimming in the ocean and walking around town and down the beach. It was beautiful. We also climbed a bunch of trees, and swung on their vines till our hands were raw. It was awesome. We also saw a bunch of homeless people, but they weren't begging or moping... They looked pretty happy. I would be.

Makes me wonder though, is anything being done for them? Do they want to be that way? (Haha, I wonder if anyone would support a missionary to Hawaii?)

In the Philippines, I started off the trip laying in a tent for two days, listening to planes fly 5 ft above my head every five minutes (not much of an exaggeration). I had a headache so bad, I didn't even realize I had a fever too. When I was feeling a little better, we went to the hospital. I was fine, just a little tonsolittis. I spent the rest of the time on 6 pills, and a mouth wash. It was a good adventure.

The rest of our time was spent mostly rushing from place to place, or doing absolutely nothing - but fighting off red ants, and filling their holes with dish soap. We also had fun picking mangos off our tree from the top of our roof. We also had a guava tree. I thought guava's were pink, but now I know they also come in white. They tasted pretty good.

One night, we went out to the streets to "observe." We talked to a bunch a kids, and basically asked them why they live on the streets, and how did they got there. Most of them have run away from their homes because of abuse. Two kids, John Mark and Omar, wanted to come live with us, so we brought them home. It was so funny though, because our bus kept breaking and kept breaking, and it took us three times longer to make it home.

John Mark opened up quickly and told us a lot, but had a problem with disobedience. After a couple days he had to sent back. Not to worry though, Pastor Rey will keep checking up on him. We're not finished with him yet.

Omar, on the other hand, is a great kid. He's only 11, and i still don't know why he was on the streets - probably also because of abuse. He is such a goof ball and such a love. My favorite memory of him was when I gave him a toothbrush. He was so tickled! He was laughing his heart out, and running around the house shouting "toothbrush, toothbrush!" Everything we gave him, would send him into heaps of laughter and excitment. It was great.

I'm excited for him too, because soon he'll be able to go back to school, and I know he is so loved at the orphanage!

We also met a woman named Beth, who ran away from her home with her six kids and has been living on the streets, selling peanuts 12 hrs a day to make a living. Scratch that, to earn a meal.

Her face says so much, and she is one of the most beautiful women i have ever seen. I can't believe all she has been through. It is so heart breaking, and yet she is so strong, and so easy going. Her personality just draws people to her. Especially the street kids; it took me a couple days to figure out which ones were actually hers.

Praise God, we were able to get her a bright pink house, and got her started with an electric stove, some food, and some other stuff you need for a house. Because of that we spent a lot of time in the market, and made a bunch of friends! Mostly kids, and they would follow us everywhere. We were quite a sight.

Most the time though, we were at the orphanage, just hanging out with all the kids there. I don't think I have ever played more ninja destruction in my life. ( Or, "ninja construction!" as Omar would say).

One of the girls, KC turned 18 that month, so we had a big birthday party for her, and more than 80 people showed up! She is such a hard working, loving girl. I was happy for her. :) She's the one who makes us bracelets and necklaces every year.

We also drove a couple hours away to Taygaytay. We visted a look out on top of a mountain, and prayed over the north, south, east, and west areas of the philippines. We also visited Colossians Gardens - a beautiful place! Pastor Rey's friend owns it, and is a very strong christian. He allows Pastor Rey to us it as a bible camp for all the kids in the program. (Papa Rey provides scholarships to kids who are truely in need, and really want to finish their education; pretty awesome!)

We also traveled to Borcay of Novelta. A gorgeous beach tucked away on a marine base. My favorite parts were the water, all warm and fantastic, climbing trees with a three year old (Beth's daughter Elisa), and eating bbq-ed pork. So delicious!

Our last day was spent riding a jeepney to the mall. Riding another jeepney to a train. Taking a train to the market. Working our way through the market, buying some not-worth-all-this-hassle souvenirs, and then repeating to get back to the mall. Then to the airport.

I will miss all their beautiful faces! It's ridiculous how much we fall in love with them, and how amazing how much God loves them! It was a good trip.