Baked Oatmeal.

Hello Dearest Friends and Family! (And whoever else may read this blog). Today I attempted to make baked oatmeal.(I love cooking and baking!) If I had followed the recipe, it would have been amazing! (But, my oatmeal was already made from breakfast yesterday.) I thought I could just pop it in the oven...but it turns out, you have to add things like egg, and milk, and applesauce...and sugar and baking soda. Which I did, and added a little flour too...but it still turned out like, well, hot oatmeal. It was certainly not cake texture, but it tastes fine. I took a picture of it, and that inspired me to share more pictures when I blog. After all, pictures say more than words can. Unfortunately, I haven't taken too many pictures. (Unless you want to see a million of the fall leaves...). I have been having some fun! A couple weeks ago, I got my makeup done with a friend at Nordstroms; never done that before! It was quite fun, and my makeup artist Kelley, was a sweetheart. I then went shopping, and got some great deals on some new outfits! I visited home and saw almost every person I've ever known (it was wonderful :)), and I've been hanging out with the family I live with. Each morning I make the girls breakfast and help them make it to the bus on time. However today, we just barely made it, and ended up running the 1/4 mi to the bus stop. It was a great morning wake up! Sure works better than coffee. I also just got a job at DQ. It's a far cry from the comfortable, lovely job I wanted as a coffee shop Barista, but it's near by, and it will do. At least I have another job! (I say this, but I'm honestly still struggling with being truly grateful.) Yesterday, Sunday, I had a great coffee date with my wonderful friend Elena. We went to church together too, and had some great conversation about where we are at in life; so much transition and change for the both of us. We came to the conclusion that I am at a crisis in faith. Though most people do not know, much of my depression came from a spiritual struggle. A struggle to discover the truth; who is God? Who am I? Is there a God? Why Jesus? Budda? Hinduism? Islam? I even declared myself agnostic for awhile...(even less people knew that.) Most of my questions were summed up in - Is the bible true? How do we know? Does God love me? If I stop following God - will he pursue me, or abandon me? Who is God really? I can't say I've done super extensive research, but I have read a couple christian apologetic books (Lee Strobel, CS Lewis, Philip Yancy), talked to Pastors, and questioned anyone who calls them self a christian. I also looked into other religions. But still, most of my questions remain. Why do people so sincerely believe what they grow up with? Why do they never question? If a relationship with God is really something we can have, why don't more people look into it? Why are we so afraid of there being a God? Why do we take other people's opinions, but never make our own? What makes Jesus so offensive? What if Jesus really is God? One day (recently), when I was super depressed, I decided to wander around the Library. Oddly, nothing stood out to me, not even the things I love. Travel, Languages, Cooking, Art...I wanted to be excited about each one of them, but every time I picked up a book, I became totally uninterested - unfulfilled. On a whim, I decided to check out biographies (why not? I haven't read a whole lot of those.) Expecting to find only big books on really famous people, I was surprised to notice a little book with a cool cover. It had a tan background, with a red Japanese cherry tree gracing the rest of it. (Tan and red is what I was going to decorate my new room!)I pulled it out and read the cover; "Heaven without Her" - "must be about a gilded lover," I thought, scoffing at what I expected to find. Turning it over, I read the back. It was a (real and true) story of an atheist woman with a christian Mom, and how when her Mom dies, her search for the truth about "Who we are, why we are here, and where we are going", leads her to a firm belief in biblical Christianity. I felt like I had been punched in the gut, and stood there for a few moments with my mouth gawking open. While I was slightly excited to find this book, and I was also kind of angry. Of all the books, in this entire Library (it was a HUGE library) I happened to pick up this one? Why? I don't want to listen to a christian tell me how great Christianity is - but wait; she was an atheist...this is someone's story. It's real. While I wasn't so sure God was real, I knew this lady obviously was, and I became very curios to read her story. So I took the book home and read it. (But out of stubbornness, before leaving the library, I read a few chapters in a dictionary of Islam. Glanced at a book of Hinduism, and read some stuff in a science textbook. It was all incredibly interesting, to say the least...). I was very impressed by the content in this little book that had found its way into my life. The lady had done very extensive research; almost 10 years of it, and had very thoroughly examined science's claim for and against God. I was satisfied that her journey to God was not an ignorant, nor emotionally biased conclusion. It was not a psychological result of her circumstances. It was a very logical and intellectual conclusion as the result of facts and deep, objective research. Very satisfied, I was able to lay aside some of the other theological books I had been studying, and relax. Peace somehow seeped into my life, and calmed my restless, broken heart, and slowed my racing mind. I was filled with a cautious hope that maybe, just maybe, what I grew up believing just may be true.