CHANGE

Hello Everyone, I know it has been way too long since I last updated my blog, but I thought I would...since I'm off on another adventure! For those of you who don't know... I just moved to Burien, WA (over by the Sea-Tac Airport). It's only a couple hrs away, so come visit. :) Haha, anyways, after graduating high school and college last June, I decided I wanted to do a discipleship school - get to know God better, move to Africa, save orphans... Pretty solid plan, except I didn't have any money. So I ended up working for a few months, and then quitting work to take care of my Grandpa for awhile. After a few months of that, I grew completely restless and starting looking into colleges (anything to get me out of the house). I ended up at Northwest University,which was a nice escape for awhile,but it soon became a prison of it's own. By the time the semester ended, I was a wreck. I had completely lost all since of direction, I was hopeless, and and I was depressed. I knew in my heart, and in my mind, that I had strayed from God's plan for me...and I had compromised for his good, instead of his best. This summer I wrestled with my thoughts and emotions even more - heartbroken, confused...and drained. By the end of this summer, I was completely exhausted - in every meaning of the word. Life became survival, instead of living. I had no peace, no joy, no hope. Just a very, very, broken heart. Praise God, a week before I had to return to school, I learned of an opportunity to do an internship with a "lady who likes to travel around dangerous places in Africa helping orphans." "Wow," I thought, "That couldn't be more perfect for me." I got her number and gave her call. Turns out, I had already talked to her a few months earlier, in hopes of going to Liberia with her organization. About five years ago, she and her husband started an organization called Orphan Relief and Rescue -http://www.orphanreliefandrescue.org/ . They strive to help orphans that no one else will help; and do so in a very personal way - so that each kid they help has a name, a dream, a destiny. They are not just a number, a statistic, or an orphan...They are loved, cared for, and protected, and they are somebody. Anyways, I was surprised it was the same organization, but very pleasantly surprised because I felt like their mission was/is very closely aligned with my own hopes and dreams for helping orphans. We chatted on the phone for a bit, and set up a time to meet in the next few weeks. During this time I also decided NOT to go back to school, and it was the most liberating choice I have ever made. I was free...but what now? I thought I might stay at home for a bit...get a job at a coffee shop, save up some money, be around my family...whatever. It didn't really matter, I barely knew who I was anymore - pretty much just a skeleton of a person anyway. I began to get really comfortable at home, even had some dreams of starting my own small business..but God wasn't done with me yet. In the very deepest part of my heart, I had hidden a wish that I was too afraid to hope for - a hope that I could somehow do this internship I had learned about. I met with Rebecca, the CEO of Orphan Relief and Rescue, and had a sort of interview with her. Then I spoke with her husband, the President of their organization. I told God that if this was his will for me, he would have to reveal it to them - because I was just too confused. To my relief, after what I had thought to be a disastrous phone call with her husband (Tim Pratt), he told me I'd be perfect for the internship. I was still pretty shook up, but I was excited. Then I met with them in person, and met their staff- and I LOVED them. After hearing them explain the internship program even more, I couldn't believe it - I felt like it had been perfectly designed just for me, or me for it - for exactly where I am at this point in my life. It was amazing. But wait, then it gets even better! :) I applied for jobs, and got a job at Emerald City Smoothie! (For those of you who know me, you know I'm obsessed with smoothies and nutrition - so it's perfect for me!) So now I'm here, in Burien about to start this internship. It begins on Oct. 16. Just a few more weeks! I can't believe how good God is to me. It blows me away. When I'm at my absolute lowest point in life, about to give up on God - he shows me how much he loves me, and how much he cares. I guess I just need to remember that just because I'm a mess, in a mess I made - it doesn't put God in a mess. He's still in control, and he knows what he's doing. He has a plan for my life - a good one. I am overwhelmed. He is so good. I just need to put all my trust, and all my faith in him. Believing in him, and taking him at his word. So anyways, that's where I am in life. Just taking it day by day - learning to trust God completely...learning to fall in love with him. Learning about his love for me. It's a scary place to be...but it's the best place to be.